At Least
Sometimes the "least" you could do truly is the least you could do.
It's been a few minutes since I've typed a personal piece about love. In some regards it's been a blessing. In others, it's been... a blessing.
A bit has happened in the interim.
A move up North for a couple of seasons.
A move back for another.*
But that's another story.
A place of purgatory and reflection and...
"If you don't do this all at once it will be a waste. It needs to be done or the work done will be for nothing."
That was a talk at a dentist office awhile back. Months ago I'd gotten some help for some much needed work. I had been embarrassed about it. He didn't hold back on pressing about it.
Poking at it.
Making sure to rub his finances and my imperfections in my face.
But he'd never admit that if you asked him.
This conversation from over half a year ago came to mind recently again as I sat in a dentist office. I was humbled and thankful but reminded that all the work that had been done before...
all the efforts he insisted were such great things...
"Cleaning your teeth is a great irony."
and...
were...
in that moment...
were nothing.
It is like you never left and you left at the same time. While neither bother me anymore the sentiments or lack thereof persist.
Meanwhile...
I sift through the paperwork of memories currently being denied.
Of memories and recollections from....
From the time that was nice but also a sad half...
Of multiple friends whose stories and validations have also been denied.
"It was the least I could do." He'd said as he helped with one thing not quite started.
He left before everything was finished.
He left before the rest of the actual important parts had been completed.
In the end it was almost as if none of that had even happened either.
Months have passed and passed.
Emails had been exchanged recently as I checked about how his family was doing in the light of the Santa Rosa fires. He knew not of much anything else. I didn't want him to. Frankly, I anticipated it would be just a disaster as... it did indeed turn out to be accurately predicted.
There are some that may never understand the consequences of half efforts.
Sometimes when you are faced with all or nothing, anything less really is just nothing except stories to tell yourself of a better future that didn't get to happen.
But hey it was the "least" you could do and you "at least" didn't lie or deny that being the truth of everything.
Or...
"something."
