Pre-Trial

My brother in law starts the path towards determining his fate today.

June 1st, however, was a bit of my pre-trial. It was also... a very terrible horrible day for our family history. And by family history I mean even more than me and Jonas.

Let's reel back a bit however even still.

A long time ago, I didn't post on social media for a day. A missing person's report was filed by family. It was a comical event as I was quite fine and well. Furthermore, there was also a roommate I had at the time also named Jennifer that... well... had an interesting evening the night cops were sent to my loft at The Brewery to check up on me.

That is the temperament I felt on June 1st, 2016. It was already terse with other things with Jonas but when I got that phone call...

I was in the middle of a meeting with someone about housing and things with Jonas. I was going to be going to trial the next day over the false allegations brought on by a roommate who cared only about extorting money. I was focused on things admittedly in my own world. I was miles away from thinking anything anywhere near...

Jessica was the one who was, dare I say, boring and predictable. She worked hard and kept her nose down. She didn't put up any sort of fight. She wasn't a game changer at all. She was a very good cog. It worked for her. It was comfortable in many ways. I guess this alone should have given me a bit more pause. It didn't. I was thinking of the way that my family has a habit of over reacting with things in even more ways than just what I noted above.

My dad had my storage keys. He was meaning to get them back to me but it wasn't a huge matter of need to do at the moment. He texted me asking to meet with me. I had a meeting about housing and then a visit with Jonas to get to two hours away. I told him I could wait for my keys. He pressed. I didn't think anything was a big deal even when he told me the news:

"Your sister is missing."

My sister lives in Illinois far from me let alone the majority of our family. My father lives 2 hours or so away from me here in California. My mother has migrated to Florida to be closer to her side of the family. My cousins are still in a couple of pockets of places where we grew up. My brother has also moved out of the area to Indiana. My sister was easily a couple of hours from even the cousins and main part of our Illinois families let alone everyone else. I felt useless over here and told him as much.

"Well that's unfortunate but I'm not sure what I can do from here."

My father got upset. He hung up the phone.

I was brought towards memories of my sister. The last memories I had of my sister. Sadly, I would learn, they would be the absolute last memories I had of my sister.

My sister had not been kind to me. Nor my baby. She had left me stranded and to walk to my grandmother's funeral in the rain in this giant puffy leopard jacket that had been handed down to me from my grandmother that had been given to her by her sister.  My sister didn't have that connection like my grandmother had with her sisters. Not since we were children. And the days that we spent last together mourning her passing were a sad reminder of that. They were a reminder that we hadn't been close since we were kids and were never going to have that before we parted ways on earth.

Jess had made comments complaining about me being ok with having a couple of our relatives offer and watch Jonas so I could eat a hot meal in the next room during the funeral arrangements being made. I was not kind to her in return. It was frustrating. I had not been very kind about telling her that I thought her husband was a loser and she should not be defending him like she did. I wish those were not the last memories I had with my sister... wearing that coat that I adore being sad about this reality. But it would be.

I called my brother to ask him what was going on.

My sister had been missing for three days. She hadn't shown up to work. It wasn't normal for her. She also had not been responsive to messages, although she had posted on social media a few times.

I posted a message on Facebook. I didn't know what else to do.

I went to my visit. I told the person there that my sister had been reported missing and I wanted her to know that if I had any phone calls, I apologized in advance but I was not sure what was going on with my sister.

About an hour after I made the post, my brother called me upset asking me to take it down. 

"We don't know if he's hurt her or anything and don't want him to. Please take it down."

I didn't want to. I wanted to know where my sister was.

"I'm not taking it down. I want to know what is going on. Chances are that if he was going to do something, it's likely already happened."

I returned to things with Jonas.

My brother John, being the closest of kin in proximity, made the missing person's report. He was the point of contact for the inevitable call that followed.

"They found Jess Jen. She's dead. Shawn killed her. The coroner's office just called me."

I was about to wrap up my visit with Jonas. I was in shock. My brother was crying. I was so in shock. I had a bad feeling that it could have been real but I guess it hadn't hit me yet. I hung up the phone and quietly just stated:

"My sister was murdered. Omg my sister was murdered."

The girl there told me that she was sorry and that I didn't need to worry about picking up toys or anything. She said that she would handle it.

I told her it was ok. I reached for Jonas to hug him. I told him we needed to pick up toys.

"My sister is dead. Oh Jonasman your aunt Jess... Jonas please come here and give mommy a hug. Please. Mommy needs lots of hugs now."

Jonas didn't understand completely but he came to hug me. We picked up the toys.

"I'm so sorry Jennifer. Do you need any help with getting things to your car or anything?"

"I'm sorry that I am taking time here. Please excuse me. I'm sorry." I couldn't get out really much.

Jonas went to leave. He didn't want to. I took a minute and collected myself. I went to walk outside and Jonas attempted to run to me again. It was comforting. It was soothing.

I posted an update to the Facebook post about what happened. I would get so many messages in condolence. It was and still is heartbreaking. No one ever preps you for that day nor should one ever be prepped for a day like that or any of the ones that followed.

The night would be horrendous. I would be fearful going to my car. Wondering about the events that happened. Learning little until after the fact. It would plague me for weeks afterward.

At my day of trial, despite the events that were known and witnessed, there would be denial of these things even happening. I won't go into detail but it was a very very terrible and dark day.

Today is the day that he faces his pre-trial. Sadly this event is permeated through my mind as is that day and the abysmal details that followed.

I'm off to an interview to see what happens next in my own next series of "pre-trials." When I get back, I'm sure that I will be looking online to find out what has happened and perhaps I will tell you more about the events of the days that followed.

Here's hoping that some good will happen today...somewhere... somehow.. with something. It's what she would have wanted anyway.