And the really really really hard week

This week has been very very very hard.

I thought I was through this.

I thought this was finally over or nearly over.

I thought I was done waking up in fear that he would forcefully be adopted out.

I thought I was done being scared of the interactions of a woman who believes that she is justified to treat me with tremendous disdain and hostility.

I thought I was getting ready to go to....

I thought the nightmares would stop.

I thought I could finally sleep peacefully or at least halfway peacefully.

Everything is back.

Everything is a nightmare.

A constant constant nightmare

And it's all because of abuse.

It's all because of abusers that get away with everything.

It happens more times than not.

Did you know that 80% of batterers in this country end up with their kids?

I'm not an abuser.

I've never abused or neglected my children.

I would never ever want to abuse or neglect my children.

Your insistence and harassment doesn't make any of these things true.

"Play the game." is what's repeatedly said.

Except this isn't a game and my son isn't a prize to be won.

My son is the most amazing thing ever.

My son is a light.

My son is love.

My son is so much to me that you will never understand even more than you clearly don't understand me.

I want the harassment to stop.

I want the hostility to stop.

I want the lies to stop.

I want you to stop abusing me and trying to act like this was all just me being broken.

This has been a very very very hard week.

I have an appointment to see him today with one of my favorite people through this. There's always one beacon of light through anything. One person who can see through the bullshit. Thankfully I've had a few of them. Thankfully we have had a few of them.

I'm really scared about the future right now. I'm really scared not because I did anything wrong but because of the pressure on me about everything everywhere insisting and trying to force me into breakdowns.

You took my love away.

You took my love and tried to replace me.

I don't wish any ill will towards you and feel bad for you. I hope that you truly get better and become enlightened.

Thank you for reminding me how strong I am even if I don't always feel it. I know that I am all the more capable because of this.

...It's the end of the week and despite all the odds and the hardships I'm still standing.

I'm still fighting.

I'm still standing.

Thank you for reminding me how strong I am even if I don't always feel it. I know that I am all the more capable because of this.