The Ghost of Father's Day Past

There's not just all celebration on celebratory days.

Father's Day, 2013: A recollection of events--

Movies. 
Writing (at the movies).
An ungrateful child. 
"The drink you bought is unacceptable."

My dad, proud.

The promenade. 
"Grandpa what Lexcorp & why did my mom ask me to ask you why that being on a car in the movie was relevant?"

A call not made. 
"I'm not going to play games with your ex husband so you can talk to your kids."

A race to another phone call.
Repeated questions and forgotten memories.
"It's part of his disease. He just asked me the same question Jen."
Some reminders of silliness and superheros on freeways.
"Grandpa you need to get a superhero costume and ride your motorcycle too but Ethan says your nose is too small to be Barnacle Boy from Spongebob and that you're not fat enough to wear the shell bra and be Merman even if you are old enough to be both of them.."

A pharmacy. 
An impatient kid that still has an attitude. 
Waiting. 
Scrolling timelines while my son talks to my grandfather.
A relative that got wider.
When did I get this old?

A discussion in the car about appreciating what we have. 
Holding back the tears for a day I honestly couldn't afford.
A dad who didn't care about that anyway.

Expectations vs realities.

Quiet moments and self reflection.
A walk with the dog.
An exhausted mom.

A much needed nap.

A heavy heart awoken.
A missed smile.
A heavy heart... full, awake, and filled with sadness and happiness.
An email of vulnerability.
A rubbed belly.
A heavy heart... full, awake and filled with... the feeling of being alive.

I am thankful to be alive.