Little girl, Big City

7:30pm 11.16.11

Scene: a loft in Gallery Row, downtown Los Angeles

“I know what you two did.  I heard it.  I don’t appreciate it happening.  I told you I didn’t want it happening when I was home.”

I was a doe in headlights.  Yes, we had done the deed but it was when we specifically thought she had been gone.  We felt bad about it.  We felt great about it.  He and I were both in the moment.  It caught us and swept us away.  I couldn’t help but think that whatever it was was a serendipitous intersection to say the least.  What if this was the last chance I had before he moved to New Orleans?  What if I was never going to see him again?

I apologized emphatically to her and texted the suited gent.

“Shit.  She just called me.”

“I know.  You and I are stopping all together.”

My heart sank.  I didn’t want to be in the space.  I had to go home.  To the one place in Los Angeles that rang home the most- with my friends at the Brewery.

I called a friend and left a message.  He was at Mindshare.

“The house of cards fell out from under her yet again and Alice fell with it.  But it was comforting and scary at the same time.  Because this is the all too familiar world that she knew.”

Perhaps we really should have stopped everything that night.  Perhaps it was an omen amongst omens…

Why didn’t I listen?

4:25pm 11.12.11

Scene: outside a loft building in Gallery Row, downtown Los Angeles

It was a rushed turn of events.  My friend that I had been staying with previously at the Brewery informed me that the management was on his case about more than just the leaseholders being there.  I had to find another spot temporarily and it was to be immediate.

I’d talked to this woman on the phone the night prior and a bit that morning.  A friend of a friend was extending the favor.  One month to find that new spot.

I can do this, I know I can.

She couldn’t get there to meet me before the game.

“My friend will be there.  He’s staying with me too.  He just graduated.  He’s also staying there temporarily.  But don’t worry, you will like him I’m sure.  Here’s his number.  Call him and he will show you the space.”

The first thought in my head was “Oh great.  He’s going to be an irresponsible kid.”

I shrugged it off.  My friend Steven and I got in the car and headed over.

Admittedly, I had also thought in the back of my head “I hope that he’s cute.”  But the logical me told myself “I really hope that he’s not cute.”

The lofts were nestled next to one of my favorite galleries downtown- The Hive.  It was walking distance from work.

I dialed this boy.

“Be right down.”

Steven and I stood outside the checkered hallway waiting for the elevator to open.  I held my breath as the old black door opened.  Out walked the most adorable man I had ever seen dressed in a black tie, black slacks, white dress shirt and dark shoes.

“Hi, I’m Dan.” he said and shook my hand.

As he turned to unlock the elevator, I looked over at Steven.  I didn’t have to say anything.  He and I both knew.

I took another breath before he turned back around.

“Hi.  I’m Jen.  Nice to meet to you.”

9:21pm 11.18.11

Scene: a loft in Gallery Row, downtown Los Angeles

I don’t want him to move away.

“Isn’t it weird how naturally comfortable we all are together?” she asked.

I think back to not quite a week ago.  To the debut of the most adorable man I’d ever laid eyes on.  These would be the honeymoon days.  The days that I’d later look back on and glow thinking about.

Tonight as he was getting ready to go out with his friends, he made a point to stop and tell me goodbye, but slipped.

“I almost fell.  I almost fell for you!”  he said with a laugh.  And in my mind I wondered if something else slipped in that moment.

Perhaps it was nothing.

Perhaps it was something.

Perhaps it was both in that same moment.

I held his hand tight and kissed it.

“Have fun tonight.”

I don’t want him to move away.